I know everyone has stupid insecurities. Mine change all the time; my weight, my eyes, my teeth, my whatevers. Recently it’s just kind of that whole unattractive feeling, and to be honest, culturally confused.
Now, I have 3 ethnicities. On my father’s side, Mexican. On My Mother’s side, Irish and Native American. Why then do I have a tattoo of the Irish flag in a heart? Because my mother’s side who I was raised with is a weird, partially dysfuctional, estrogen-fueled Irish-redneck family. But I’m an entire Half Mexican, and I know little to nothing of that part of my culture.
I guess why it’s bothered me is when we’ve had Bro talk with the guys, my boyfriend confided that he’s always been mostly attracted to Mexican girls. I cannot blame him or anyone for being insecure but me, such is the price when you stay or instigate for uncensored Dude Talk, since I too partake in it with my guy friends. And not like I worry about us, shit, we’ve been together 5 years I must do something right. But sometimes it does make me a little insecure, since I don’t really look or act Mexican at all.
So I am stuck. There’s times I love the way I look, and see the merit in being of mixed ethnicities. Other times, I wonder Why I have to be so strange looking; Almond shaped looking eyes and high cheekbones that make me look more Asian then Native, light skin, but not light enough to compare with my fair skinned freckled cousins. And Black hair, that’s dull, and straight, that without product gives the impression of a Morticia wig.
I am just culturally awkward.